I have always wanted to be the breastfeeding, baby-wearing, cloth diaper kind of mom, hypnobirthing kind of Mom. I just think it is beautiful and natural to be that way. But that has never been the case for me! I had to have 2 c-sections, I don't make enough milk to breastfeed, I didn't get to do skin-to-skin because my babies were whisked away to the NICU, I have always gone home before my baby and had to visit them in the hospital.
It's not natural to feed your baby through a syringe that goes to their stomach.
it's not natural for you to have to use a machine to suck out your baby's saliva because they sometimes have trouble swallowing.
It's not natural to have your baby connected to an oxygen concentrator two times the size of your baby.
Yes, sometimes I feel bitter about it. That life didn't meet my expectations. That I was "unlucky" to be handed the situations I was handed. But, on the other hand, these "unnatural" machines and technologies have saved both of our babies. Left to nature, our babies probably wouldn't have made it past a few days.
I wish I could be part of that club. I wish that was the way it worked out. But it didn't. And I know I'm not the only one who feels this way.
And when it comes down to it, those things don't matter the most. The most "natural" thing is the love you have for your baby, holding your baby when they cry, and doing whatever you have to do to do what's best for your baby.
Tiss, you are amazing.
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